Как можно признавать свои ошибки

Признать, что вы допустили ошибку, может быть очень непросто, если вы всячески стараетесь «держать лицо». Однако в глазах других людей человек, который умеет признавать допущенные ошибки и идти дальше, скорее завоюет уважение, чем тот, кто будет злиться и уходить от ответственности. В конце концов, продолжая и дальше отказываться признавать свою неправоту или становясь причиной проблемы, вы можете потерять репутацию, отношения, свою работу или карьеру.

Как бы не казалось трудным научиться признавать ошибки, это умение освободит вас и позволит вам и другим перейти к лучшим отношениям или лучшим результатам. Готовьтесь признавать свои ошибки!

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   Обдумайте свои чувства, когда вы допускали ошибку. Если вы перфекционист или человек со сверхактивной самокритикой, сделанные ошибки могут до смерти напугать вас или заставить вас поверить, что вам придется скрывать их или обвинять в них кого-то другого. И все же эти действия вызовут новые проблемы, и ситуация только ухудшится, или вам придется столкнуться с еще худшими последствиями. Если какой-то из этих вариантов относится к вам, вам определенно нужно будет применять методы, которые используются в этой статье:

   • Когда вы допускаете ошибку, ваш внутренний критик начинает сходить с ума, виня во всем вас самого, и от этого совершенная ошибка выглядит еще хуже, чем есть на самом деле. Вы думаете о своей ошибке только в отрицательном свете.
   • Следуя этой ошибке, вы занижаете свою самооценку, называете себя глупым, тупым, безнадежным. Может быть, вы даже убеждаете себя, что «у меня никогда ничего не получится правильно», что таким образом исключает любую возможность учиться на своих ошибках.
   • Допустив ошибку в какой-либо отрасти, вы сразу же перестаете верить в свои мысли и идеи, а также начинаете по несколько раз обдумывать поступки, которые вы совершаете, и решения, которые вы принимаете.
   • Вы говорите себе, что эта ошибка «никогда не повторится снова», и пусть прошлое становится вам предупреждением, которое давит ваш рост и развитие, не давая вам брать на себя оправданный риск за будущую карьеру, учебу, жизненные планы и т.д. Вскоре вы станете раздраженным отшельником, который повторяет одни и те же действия, которые не станут в результате «ошибкой».
   • Ваша идея об «ошибке» искажается. Вы воспринимаете любую оплошность, будь это забытая чашка чая для любимого человека утром или однажды непроверенная орфография в документе, как катастрофу, которая разочарует остальных.

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   Переосмыслите идею того, что значит допускать ошибки. Во-первых, ошибки случаются, они будут случаться и потом, даже когда вы «усвоите урок». Жизнь бывает щедра на ошибки, так же как и на возможности учиться, любить и шансы выполнять задуманное, если вы решитесь их принять. Во-вторых, ошибки указывают нам то, на что мы способны, показывая, что мы не умеем делать. Когда вы уже готовы признать свои усилия ошибкой, вспомните, что Эдисон получил электрическую лампочку только после десяти тысяч попыток. В-третьих, большое количество ошибок заканчивается научными, деловыми, архитектурными, творческими изобретениями и открытиями. Кроме того с помощью ошибок вы сможете понять и что-нибудь в себе. Ошибкам есть место в нашей жизни.

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   Признайте свои ошибки. Один из лучших и самых эффективных способов отреагировать на ошибку – принять ответственность за нее, особенно если она огорчает, приносит вред или беспокоит других людей. И признать ошибку будет неплохо, если она беспокоит вас самого или того, кем вы пытаетесь стать, так что старайтесь не перекладывать вину на другого. Перестаньте убегать от ошибок, иначе они и дальше будут вас преследовать.

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   После этого постарайтесь загладить свою вину. Это может быть проще, чем кажется, если только вас не сдерживает чувство гордости. Прочитайте вторую часть этой статьи о том, как стоит признавать свои ошибки перед определенным человеком.

   • Прочтите “Как загладить свою вину», чтобы углубиться в эту тему.

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   Accept your behavior but don’t put yourself down. Instead of calling yourself a whole bunch of negative names, realize that while you could have done better/differently/more considerately than you did, perhaps mitigating factors such as tiredness, hunger, a sense of urgency, a desire to please, etc. overtook your more balanced self. Concentrate on how to deal with the underlying reason rather than on belittling your whole self.Примите свое поведение, но не критикуйте себя. Вместо того чтобы обзывать себя, поймите, что хотя вы и могли поступить лучше/иначе/более обдуманно, чем у вас вышло, возможно, у вас были смягчающие обстоятельства, например, усталость, голод, спешка, желание угодить и т.д., и они застали вас врасплох. Сконцентрируйтесь на том, как разобраться с первопричиной, а не уничижайте себя.

   • Например, вы можете сказать себе что-то вроде «В будущем я поем/высплюсь/приму во внимание все факторы/позвоню другу и т.д. прежде, чем принимать трудное решение/делать выводы/создавать проект и т.д.»

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   Учитесь двигаться дальше. Оглядываться назад – это значит тонуть в негативных размышлениях о прошлом. Вы не можете изменить прошлое, но в настоящем вы можете жить более осознанно. Учитесь на своих ошибках, но не останавливайтесь на достигнутом. В следующий раз, когда будет допущена ошибка, это понимание поможет вам увидеть события в другом свете.

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   Стремитесь к совершенству. Многие люди, неспособные признавать ошибки, страдают от так называемого «комплекса совершенства». Стремление к совершенству может показать, что вы всю жизнь барахтаетесь в своих ошибках, после чего вы все время будете чувствовать себя деморализованным. Вместо этого стремитесь к совершенству, но в то же время признавайте, что вы несовершенны.

   • Вам не нужно быть лучшим во всем. Вам не нужно быть самым ярким, самым оживленным, самым красивым или лучше всех одетым человеком в компании. Если вы думаете, что вам нужно быть лучшим, вас поглотят мысли о ваших недостатках, и почти все, что вы делаете и как вы поступаете, будет в ваших глазах казаться неправильным.
   • Вы идеален такой, какой вы есть, и можете и дальше учиться и развиваться.

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   Если вы допустили ошибку, которую вам нужно будет перед кем-то признать, постарайтесь поговорить с пострадавшим человеком. Если вы не можете поговорить с ним, поговорите хотя бы со своим близким другом.

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   Начните с признания, что вы ошибались. Например, скажите: «Прости, что я пустила эти слухи. Это был обидный и очень детский поступок».

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   Извинитесь за последствия. Например, скажите: «Мне жаль, что я не учел твое мнение. Сейчас я вижу, что задел твои чувства» .

   • Извиняйтесь, только если вы действительно чувствуете свою вину. Неискренние извинения только больше обидят человека.

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   Объяснитесь, если это требуется. Например, скажите: «Если бы я знала, что у Джейн Доу все под контролем, я бы не вмешивалась и не доставляла проблем».

   • Если это небольшая оплошность, а не серьезная проблема, пошутите над случившимся. Это покажет, что вы уверенно себя чувствуете и не переживаете из-за незначительных трудностей. Например, скажите: «В следующий раз у нас будет важный клиент. И я сделаю себе карточки. Тогда я правильно запомню все имена!».
   • Посмотрите по сторонам и понаблюдайте за людьми, которые превратили свои оплошности в веселые истории и смешные анекдоты. Эти люди умеют расслабляться, они уверены в себе и многим нравятся, потому что могут увидеть смешное в собственных ошибках.

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   Объясните, что такого больше не случится. Например, скажите: «Это было очень глупо с моей стороны. В следующий раз, когда я попаду в такую ситуацию, я буду уточнять подробности, а не делать поспешные выводы».

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   Дайте другому человеку время, чтобы ответить. В зависимости от ситуации человеку может понадобиться время, чтобы ответить вам. И когда он это сделает, попытайтесь изменить его понимание ситуации. Выслушайте, как он воспринимает ваши действия, слова или вашу роль в произошедшем.

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   Пусть все будет как есть. Двигайтесь дальше. Примет человек ваши извинения или нет, вам нужно жить дальше. Увязать в том, что случилось, или пытаться все исправить – не всегда будет лучшим решением. Перестаньте стараться слишком сильно или постоянно беспокоиться. Двигайтесь дальше.

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   Возможно, рядом нет человека, перед которым вам нужно признать свои ошибки, но вам все равно нужно знать, сможете ли вы выполнить все пункты, перечисленные в этой статье. Вы можете попробовать протестировать свои возможности, намеренно допустив ошибку. Следующие шаги предложат вам ошибки, которые вы можете «опробовать» и потом оценить свою реакцию:

   • Читайте газету вверх ногами. Когда кто-то это заметит, что вы ответите?
   • Обнимите незнакомого человека. Когда человек отреагирует удивленно, что вы ему скажете?
   • Уроните что-нибудь на кухне, например, банку с приправами. Что вы скажете человеку, который заметит вашу оплошность?
   • Езжайте домой без карты, следуя новому маршруту. Когда вы заблудитесь, что вы будете делать? Вы попросите о помощи или будете ездить, пока не заблудитесь окончательно? Вы позвоните домой, чтобы признаться, что произошло?

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   В каждом случае вы выталкиваете себя из привычного окружения и зоны комфорта. Вы открываетесь перед кем-то, кто может это заметить и осудить вас. Попробуйте реагировать следующими способами:

   • Признайте свою ошибку. «Ой, да! Я читаю газету вверх ногами! Если честно, я задремал, прикрываясь ею, а вы меня поймали на этом!»
   • Признавайте вину, если нужно. «Прости, я уронила твою любимую баночку с маринованными огурцами. Я проверяла одну теорию. Утром я куплю тебе новую».
   • Прежде всего, сосредоточьтесь на самоанализе и том, как вы чувствуете себя, намеренно допуская ошибку. Вы не идеальный человек, но вы знаете свои ограничения и важность всегда поддерживать с другими доброжелательные отношения.

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• Не таите злобу. Другими словами: не ждите слишком долго, чтобы признать свои ошибки. Парень может оказаться не тем самым и просто уйдет. Он не может ждать вечно. Так что не тяните. Отвечайте!
• Более серьезные разговоры должны происходить лицом к лицу. Менее серьезные проблемы можно обсудить по телефону или электронной почте.
• Прочитайте: рассказ Патриции Хайсмит «Карточный домик», включая сборник ее рассказов «Ничего привлекающего внимание: несобранные истории».
• Не требуйте ни от кого прощения. Прощение должно быть искренним и идти от сердца. Так же как и похвалу, его нельзя требовать.
• Прочитайте Статью в «Нью-Йорк Таймс» от 18 сентября 2011 года «Что, если секрет к успеху – это неудача?» http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/18/magazine/what-if-the-secret-to-success-is-failure.html?_r=1&emc=eta1

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• Вы не можете контролировать ответную реакцию других людей.Однако вы можете убедиться, что вы сами двигаетесь дальше.
• Перестаньте наказывать себя за то, что вы не были достаточно хорошим человеком или за совершенные ошибки. Вы достаточно хороши, и каждый в прошлом на пути к совершенству совершал ошибки.
• Учитесь на своих ошибках. Оцените ошибку и то, как вы можете избежать ее совершения в будущем. Если вы забудете этот инцидент, то, скорее всего, ошибетесь вновь.

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   Give yourself permission to mess up. There are many reasons you should give yourself permission to make mistakes. Making mistakes is inevitable and part of being human. It’s also a valuable source of instruction and will enrich your life. It can teach you to try new things and expand your horizons.^[1]
   

   • For example, you may want to learn how to cook. Starting out, say to yourself “I’m new at this cooking stuff and I’ll probably make mistakes. That’s okay. It’s all part of the process.”
   • Sometimes, the fear of making mistakes—perfectionism—can keep you from trying new things or completing projects because you’re so afraid of not doing well that you can’t bring yourself to act. Don’t let this happen to you.

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   Acknowledge the force of habit. Sometimes, mistakes are not caused by an effort on our part, but the lack of it. We can’t exert maximum effort every single day in every element of our lives. Things that we do frequently, such as driving to work or making breakfast, can become so habitual that we don’t focus on them. This is actually helpful, because it allows us to spend energy on other things that require more attention. However, sometimes this force of habit can lead us into making mistakes. Acknowledge that this is part of being a human with finite energy and attention resources.

   • For example, perhaps you drive the same way to work every day, 5 days a week. On the weekend, you are supposed to drive your kid to soccer practice, but you realize you’ve gone on “autopilot” and have started driving to work instead. This is a natural mistake, the result of habit. Beating yourself up for this mistake is unhelpful. Instead, acknowledge your slip-up and move on.
   • Studies suggest that you may be able to compensate for mistakes made on autopilot, even when you aren’t aware of them consciously. Studies conducted with skilled typists suggest that you slow down when you make a mistake typing, even if you are not consciously aware of doing so.^[2]
     
   • Studies also suggest that about 47% of the time, people are “checked out”, or allowing their minds to wander from the task at hand. This is often when mistakes happen. If you find that you’re frequently making mistakes due to “mind wandering,” consider trying some mindfulness exercises to bring your attention back to the present moment.^[3]
     

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   Distinguish between errors of commission and errors of omission. Mistakes aren’t always the result of some effort you’ve made. Sometimes, you can make a mistake by not doing something, too. Laws generally distinguish between commission (doing something that shouldn’t have been done) and omission (not doing something that should have been done), with commission usually being seen as more severe.^[4]
   Errors of omission are usually more common than errors of commission.^[5]
   

   • Errors of omission can still have an effect on your life, however. For example, if your company does not keep up with the latest developments in technology, it could impact your financial future.
   • It’s important to acknowledge both types of mistakes, because you can learn from both of them. Some people try to avoid errors of commission by doing as little as possible and taking no responsibility, but this doesn’t keep you from errors of omission, and it’s also not a very helpful way to live or grow.

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   Distinguish between mistakes and bad decisions. It’s important to know the difference between mistakes and bad decisions. Mistakes are simple errors, like reading a map wrong and taking the wrong exit. Bad decisions are more intentional, like taking the scenic route to a meeting and inconveniencing the other person by being late. Mistakes are understandable and may require less focus on correcting. You should accept bad decisions just like mistakes, but it pays to pay more attention to them.

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   Focus on your strengths as well. It’s important to avoid getting bogged down in what you’re doing wrong. Try to balance self-criticism with celebrating what you do well.^[6]
   This can be celebrating things you’re already good at or celebrating areas where you’re seeing improvement. There’s no point trying to improve if you can’t appreciate the result of your efforts.

   • You may be new to cooking, but perhaps there’s something that clicks instantly with you. Maybe you can tell just what spice a recipe needs simply by tasting. Give yourself credit for these strengths.

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   View mistakes as an opportunity. There are mechanisms in the brain that help us detect when we do something wrong. The brain signals to us when we make an error. This can be really helpful during the learning process. Making mistakes can help us focus more closely on what we’re doing and try to do our absolute best.^[7]
   

   • Research even suggests that some experts, like doctors, can fail to correct mistakes because they trust their own judgment too much. There are benefits to being open to mistakes and viewing them as an opportunity, even after you’ve become really good at something.^[8]
     

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   Look at how long it takes to become an expert. Research suggests that it can take ten years of experimenting with a skill and making mistakes to become truly good at it. This is true for everyone from the composer Mozart to the basketball player Kobe Bryant.^[9]
   Go easy on yourself if at first you don’t succeed, because that’s normal. It takes a lot of effort over a long period of time to achieve greatness at something.

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   Reframe decisions as experiments. Part of the problem with not allowing yourself to make mistakes is thinking that you have to make the perfect decision every time. Instead of this unrealistic goal, try to reframe your decisions as experiments instead. An experiment may have good or bad consequences. You can still do your best to achieve good consequences, of course, but this will take some of the pressure off.^[10]
   

   • For example, with cooking, approach recipes with an experimental attitude. Avoid expecting the perfect dish. Instead, see it as an opportunity to experiment and learn more about the whole cooking process. This will help you avoid judging yourself for messing up, which you undoubtedly will at some point.

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   Discover how the brain deals with mistakes. The brain actually has specific nerve cells that help us watch our performance, detect mistakes, and then learn from what we did wrong.^[11]
   The brain also has difficulty accepting that it has made an error, however. The brain can reframe an experience into something positive in order to avoid accepting that it has made a mistake. If you have difficulty recognizing and accepting your mistakes, this is probably why.^[12]
   Understanding how your brain deals with mistakes can help you be more aware of your own experience.

   • Your brain has essentially two responses to mistakes: problem-solving mode (“Why did this happen? How can I make it not happen again?”) and shut-down mode (“I’m going to ignore this mistake”). The problem-solving mode, unsurprisingly, helps you learn from your mistakes and correct them in the future. It is commonly seen in people who believe intelligence is flexible, and that everyone is capable of development. The shut-down mode is often seen when you believe that your intelligence is “fixed”: you’re either good or bad at something, and that’s that. This type of thinking keeps you from learning and growing.^[13]
     

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    Understand how society views mistakes. We live in a society that’s afraid of making mistakes.^[14]
    We grow up being encouraged to make as few mistakes as possible. People who manage to get ahead are those who take this seriously. Do well in high school and you’ll get scholarships to university. Do well in university and you’ll graduate with a high GPA and honors. There’s little room for messing up. So if you have a hard time accepting your mistakes at first, go easy on yourself, because it’s not all your fault. You’ve probably been taught to be hard on yourself.

    • Remind yourself that the belief that you must never make a mistake is flawed. Mistakes are the only way we learn; if you don’t make (many) mistakes, it’s because you already know something inside out and backwards. If you want to learn and grow, mistakes are part of the package.
    • Remind yourself that perfectionism holds you and others to unreasonable standards. Making a mistake does not make you “a failure” or negate your efforts. Relax your standards to allow room for mistakes—it’s a more helpful, more effective way to pursue excellence.^[15]
      

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   Correct your mistakes. Mistakes can help you learn, but only if you make sure they are corrected.^[16]
   For example, if you use the wrong ingredient while cooking, be sure to ask your mother or a knowledgeable person about the correct way to use the ingredient, so that you can revise the information in your memory.

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   Keep a journal of your mistakes and successes. It can be helpful to write down when, where, and how you’re making mistakes in your life. This will create additional awareness of your patterns, which may be difficult to notice in the heat of the moment. Carry a small pocket journal around with you and make note of times that you did something wrong. Review the entries later when you have free time, and explore options for what you could have done differently.^[17]
   

   • For example, if you’re working on a new recipe and things keep going poorly, make a note of where you’re messing up. Think about it later that evening and see if you can come up with ways to prepare the dish differently.
   • You should also keep track of your successes. You will be more motivated to continue learning despite making mistakes if you can track your progress over time and celebrate what you’re good at. A solely negative focus is unhelpful.

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   Focus on “get-better” goals rather than “be-good” goals. “Be-good” goals set unrealistic expectations for yourself, especially if you’re just starting out with an activity. If you set “be-good” goals, you are raising the stakes and telling yourself that you need to succeed in order to be a good person. “Get-better” goals, on the other hand, are all about improvement. With these goals, you don’t need ridiculously high achievements in order to feel good about yourself. You’re aiming for improvement, not perfection.^[18]
   

   • For example, focus on the “get-better” goal of learning how different spices affect the taste of food, rather than the “be-good” goal of being a master chef right off the bat.

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   Engage in deliberate practice. Time isn’t the only ingredient necessary to learn from your mistakes. You will also benefit from going forward with a specific purpose. This is why it’s important that you locate your mistakes and the reasons behind them. Being aware of what you’re doing wrong, and why, will help you create a plan to practice and increase your competence.^[19]
   

   • For example, if you’re trying to perfect a basic cooking skill like boiling pasta, do it over and over until you get the timing right. It may take a while to get the desired softness of the pasta, but the more you practice, the closer you will get.

5. 

   5

   Ask for help. There’s no shame in asking for help with something you haven’t gotten the hang of yet. Putting your ego aside and learning from someone who has more experience than you is a great way to improve, especially if you find yourself in a rut and don’t know how to proceed.^[20]
   

   • For example, ask a chef at your favorite restaurant or a family member with a lot of cooking experience if you are having trouble with a cooking basic.

6. 

   6

   Believe in your abilities. Research suggests that people who believe they can learn from mistakes are actually more likely to learn from mistakes. Knowing that it’s possible for you to learn from mistakes is a good step toward actually doing it.^[21]
   

   • After a mistake such as burning a dish, tell yourself “I can learn from this. It’s possible to use this experience. Now I know to use a lower oven temperature.”

7. 

   7

   Know that reasons are not the same as excuses. We’re told not to make excuses for our mistakes, but that’s different from knowing about the reasons for our mistakes.^[22]
   If a meal you are cooking doesn’t come out right, it’s okay to recognize the fact that you made a mistake such as not following the recipe closely enough or reaching for the salt instead of sugar. That’s a reason, not an excuse. Searching for the reasons behind your mistakes can help you do better in the future, because it will show you where you went wrong. Some more reasons to look out for:

   • Being late to events because of not getting up early enough.
   • Getting written up for messing up a project because you didn’t ask for clarification.
   • Failing a test because you neglected to study, or didn’t prioritize your studying well.

8. 

   8

   Give yourself time. Sometimes all it takes to learn from a mistake is one pass. This isn’t always the case, however. Many times, in order to learn from a mistake, we have to make it several times over. It can be difficult to catch on at first, so give yourself leeway to make the same mistake a few times before getting frustrated.^[23]
   

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• Forgive yourself if you keep making the same mistake. It’s okay to have one area that gives you a lot of difficulty.

• Avoid thinking you’re immune to mistakes, even if you’re good at something. This can make it harder for you if you do mess up.

1. 

   1

   Give yourself permission to mess up. There are many reasons you should give yourself permission to make mistakes. Making mistakes is inevitable and part of being human. It’s also a valuable source of instruction and will enrich your life. It can teach you to try new things and expand your horizons.^[1]
   

   • For example, you may want to learn how to cook. Starting out, say to yourself “I’m new at this cooking stuff and I’ll probably make mistakes. That’s okay. It’s all part of the process.”
   • Sometimes, the fear of making mistakes—perfectionism—can keep you from trying new things or completing projects because you’re so afraid of not doing well that you can’t bring yourself to act. Don’t let this happen to you.

2. 

   2

   Acknowledge the force of habit. Sometimes, mistakes are not caused by an effort on our part, but the lack of it. We can’t exert maximum effort every single day in every element of our lives. Things that we do frequently, such as driving to work or making breakfast, can become so habitual that we don’t focus on them. This is actually helpful, because it allows us to spend energy on other things that require more attention. However, sometimes this force of habit can lead us into making mistakes. Acknowledge that this is part of being a human with finite energy and attention resources.

   • For example, perhaps you drive the same way to work every day, 5 days a week. On the weekend, you are supposed to drive your kid to soccer practice, but you realize you’ve gone on “autopilot” and have started driving to work instead. This is a natural mistake, the result of habit. Beating yourself up for this mistake is unhelpful. Instead, acknowledge your slip-up and move on.
   • Studies suggest that you may be able to compensate for mistakes made on autopilot, even when you aren’t aware of them consciously. Studies conducted with skilled typists suggest that you slow down when you make a mistake typing, even if you are not consciously aware of doing so.^[2]
     
   • Studies also suggest that about 47% of the time, people are “checked out”, or allowing their minds to wander from the task at hand. This is often when mistakes happen. If you find that you’re frequently making mistakes due to “mind wandering,” consider trying some mindfulness exercises to bring your attention back to the present moment.^[3]
     

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3. 

   3

   Distinguish between errors of commission and errors of omission. Mistakes aren’t always the result of some effort you’ve made. Sometimes, you can make a mistake by not doing something, too. Laws generally distinguish between commission (doing something that shouldn’t have been done) and omission (not doing something that should have been done), with commission usually being seen as more severe.^[4]
   Errors of omission are usually more common than errors of commission.^[5]
   

   • Errors of omission can still have an effect on your life, however. For example, if your company does not keep up with the latest developments in technology, it could impact your financial future.
   • It’s important to acknowledge both types of mistakes, because you can learn from both of them. Some people try to avoid errors of commission by doing as little as possible and taking no responsibility, but this doesn’t keep you from errors of omission, and it’s also not a very helpful way to live or grow.

4. 

   4

   Distinguish between mistakes and bad decisions. It’s important to know the difference between mistakes and bad decisions. Mistakes are simple errors, like reading a map wrong and taking the wrong exit. Bad decisions are more intentional, like taking the scenic route to a meeting and inconveniencing the other person by being late. Mistakes are understandable and may require less focus on correcting. You should accept bad decisions just like mistakes, but it pays to pay more attention to them.

5. 

   5

   Focus on your strengths as well. It’s important to avoid getting bogged down in what you’re doing wrong. Try to balance self-criticism with celebrating what you do well.^[6]
   This can be celebrating things you’re already good at or celebrating areas where you’re seeing improvement. There’s no point trying to improve if you can’t appreciate the result of your efforts.

   • You may be new to cooking, but perhaps there’s something that clicks instantly with you. Maybe you can tell just what spice a recipe needs simply by tasting. Give yourself credit for these strengths.

6. 

   6

   View mistakes as an opportunity. There are mechanisms in the brain that help us detect when we do something wrong. The brain signals to us when we make an error. This can be really helpful during the learning process. Making mistakes can help us focus more closely on what we’re doing and try to do our absolute best.^[7]
   

   • Research even suggests that some experts, like doctors, can fail to correct mistakes because they trust their own judgment too much. There are benefits to being open to mistakes and viewing them as an opportunity, even after you’ve become really good at something.^[8]
     

7. 

   7

   Look at how long it takes to become an expert. Research suggests that it can take ten years of experimenting with a skill and making mistakes to become truly good at it. This is true for everyone from the composer Mozart to the basketball player Kobe Bryant.^[9]
   Go easy on yourself if at first you don’t succeed, because that’s normal. It takes a lot of effort over a long period of time to achieve greatness at something.

8. 

   8

   Reframe decisions as experiments. Part of the problem with not allowing yourself to make mistakes is thinking that you have to make the perfect decision every time. Instead of this unrealistic goal, try to reframe your decisions as experiments instead. An experiment may have good or bad consequences. You can still do your best to achieve good consequences, of course, but this will take some of the pressure off.^[10]
   

   • For example, with cooking, approach recipes with an experimental attitude. Avoid expecting the perfect dish. Instead, see it as an opportunity to experiment and learn more about the whole cooking process. This will help you avoid judging yourself for messing up, which you undoubtedly will at some point.

9. 

   9

   Discover how the brain deals with mistakes. The brain actually has specific nerve cells that help us watch our performance, detect mistakes, and then learn from what we did wrong.^[11]
   The brain also has difficulty accepting that it has made an error, however. The brain can reframe an experience into something positive in order to avoid accepting that it has made a mistake. If you have difficulty recognizing and accepting your mistakes, this is probably why.^[12]
   Understanding how your brain deals with mistakes can help you be more aware of your own experience.

   • Your brain has essentially two responses to mistakes: problem-solving mode (“Why did this happen? How can I make it not happen again?”) and shut-down mode (“I’m going to ignore this mistake”). The problem-solving mode, unsurprisingly, helps you learn from your mistakes and correct them in the future. It is commonly seen in people who believe intelligence is flexible, and that everyone is capable of development. The shut-down mode is often seen when you believe that your intelligence is “fixed”: you’re either good or bad at something, and that’s that. This type of thinking keeps you from learning and growing.^[13]
     

10. 

    10

    Understand how society views mistakes. We live in a society that’s afraid of making mistakes.^[14]
    We grow up being encouraged to make as few mistakes as possible. People who manage to get ahead are those who take this seriously. Do well in high school and you’ll get scholarships to university. Do well in university and you’ll graduate with a high GPA and honors. There’s little room for messing up. So if you have a hard time accepting your mistakes at first, go easy on yourself, because it’s not all your fault. You’ve probably been taught to be hard on yourself.

    • Remind yourself that the belief that you must never make a mistake is flawed. Mistakes are the only way we learn; if you don’t make (many) mistakes, it’s because you already know something inside out and backwards. If you want to learn and grow, mistakes are part of the package.
    • Remind yourself that perfectionism holds you and others to unreasonable standards. Making a mistake does not make you “a failure” or negate your efforts. Relax your standards to allow room for mistakes—it’s a more helpful, more effective way to pursue excellence.^[15]
      

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1. 

   1

   Correct your mistakes. Mistakes can help you learn, but only if you make sure they are corrected.^[16]
   For example, if you use the wrong ingredient while cooking, be sure to ask your mother or a knowledgeable person about the correct way to use the ingredient, so that you can revise the information in your memory.

2. 

   2

   Keep a journal of your mistakes and successes. It can be helpful to write down when, where, and how you’re making mistakes in your life. This will create additional awareness of your patterns, which may be difficult to notice in the heat of the moment. Carry a small pocket journal around with you and make note of times that you did something wrong. Review the entries later when you have free time, and explore options for what you could have done differently.^[17]
   

   • For example, if you’re working on a new recipe and things keep going poorly, make a note of where you’re messing up. Think about it later that evening and see if you can come up with ways to prepare the dish differently.
   • You should also keep track of your successes. You will be more motivated to continue learning despite making mistakes if you can track your progress over time and celebrate what you’re good at. A solely negative focus is unhelpful.

3. 

   3

   Focus on “get-better” goals rather than “be-good” goals. “Be-good” goals set unrealistic expectations for yourself, especially if you’re just starting out with an activity. If you set “be-good” goals, you are raising the stakes and telling yourself that you need to succeed in order to be a good person. “Get-better” goals, on the other hand, are all about improvement. With these goals, you don’t need ridiculously high achievements in order to feel good about yourself. You’re aiming for improvement, not perfection.^[18]
   

   • For example, focus on the “get-better” goal of learning how different spices affect the taste of food, rather than the “be-good” goal of being a master chef right off the bat.

4. 

   4

   Engage in deliberate practice. Time isn’t the only ingredient necessary to learn from your mistakes. You will also benefit from going forward with a specific purpose. This is why it’s important that you locate your mistakes and the reasons behind them. Being aware of what you’re doing wrong, and why, will help you create a plan to practice and increase your competence.^[19]
   

   • For example, if you’re trying to perfect a basic cooking skill like boiling pasta, do it over and over until you get the timing right. It may take a while to get the desired softness of the pasta, but the more you practice, the closer you will get.

5. 

   5

   Ask for help. There’s no shame in asking for help with something you haven’t gotten the hang of yet. Putting your ego aside and learning from someone who has more experience than you is a great way to improve, especially if you find yourself in a rut and don’t know how to proceed.^[20]
   

   • For example, ask a chef at your favorite restaurant or a family member with a lot of cooking experience if you are having trouble with a cooking basic.

6. 

   6

   Believe in your abilities. Research suggests that people who believe they can learn from mistakes are actually more likely to learn from mistakes. Knowing that it’s possible for you to learn from mistakes is a good step toward actually doing it.^[21]
   

   • After a mistake such as burning a dish, tell yourself “I can learn from this. It’s possible to use this experience. Now I know to use a lower oven temperature.”

7. 

   7

   Know that reasons are not the same as excuses. We’re told not to make excuses for our mistakes, but that’s different from knowing about the reasons for our mistakes.^[22]
   If a meal you are cooking doesn’t come out right, it’s okay to recognize the fact that you made a mistake such as not following the recipe closely enough or reaching for the salt instead of sugar. That’s a reason, not an excuse. Searching for the reasons behind your mistakes can help you do better in the future, because it will show you where you went wrong. Some more reasons to look out for:

   • Being late to events because of not getting up early enough.
   • Getting written up for messing up a project because you didn’t ask for clarification.
   • Failing a test because you neglected to study, or didn’t prioritize your studying well.

8. 

   8

   Give yourself time. Sometimes all it takes to learn from a mistake is one pass. This isn’t always the case, however. Many times, in order to learn from a mistake, we have to make it several times over. It can be difficult to catch on at first, so give yourself leeway to make the same mistake a few times before getting frustrated.^[23]
   

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• Forgive yourself if you keep making the same mistake. It’s okay to have one area that gives you a lot of difficulty.

• Avoid thinking you’re immune to mistakes, even if you’re good at something. This can make it harder for you if you do mess up.